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Goodmorning, I guess.

Last night I stayed up, manically recorded a song video I am now self-conscious of, smoked a bowl, ate too much food, and went to bed SUPER full around 3:30am.

Woke up from dreams about old musician friends all crammed into a damp cabin, crashing on couches in messy rooms. Isn’t that how this life feels sometimes.

It’s been a couple weeks since I left the ED recovery program. “Recovered” life hasn’t been as flawless as I’d fantasized. I’m still sensitive to the same triggers of stress, anxiety, anger and shame. I’m still prone to overeat at night if I under-eat throughout the day. I’m not sure how to reconcile bodily dissatisfaction with a relatively exercise-free lifestyle without total relapse.

As a musician, I struggle with my age; uber young stars in print and online stare at me with the power of youth. I make a voice…

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